When Mommy Isn't Watching

Ok, I have a guilty pleasure to admit: Dateline NBC.

Guilty: because I have zero time to sit down and witness someone get "exposed" for an hour in my evening.

Pleasure: because there is something odd in me that enjoys seeing people's true nature... watching people self-destruct right there on cold, hard TV. Ok, feeling guilty again.

Said guilty pleasure happens about once every 6 month... and tonight with Tom OOT (out of town), I DVR'd the show.

This night, no murder trial, no child predators (thank heavens, that show makes me want to pull the plug on every computer in our neighborhood) , but it was the hidden camera watching kids when their parents weren't around that caught my attention.

Interesting situations:

*Will a child stand up against a bully?

*Will a child let a stranger in her house?

*Will a teenager text in the car? (There is a business that actually installs hidden camera to check this out)

*Will a child ride with a driver she thinks has been drinking?

In each case, Dateline NBC experimented with different kids and the outcome was different. One 12 year old girl stood up to the bully like I can only dream my kids would. One set of siblings, 12 and 14, let a stranger into the house when he flashed a badge and said he was a "milk inspector." Another little boy stood his ground when the elderly stranger demanded, "Let me in, my wife is sick!" The teenagers TOTALLY texted in the car, probably because they had seen their parents do it so many times and the kids riding with the older teen who showed signs of drinking? What do you think those 4 kids did? Got in the car with the drinking driver. All 4 of them.

It was pretty thought provoking and I'm somewhat convinced I will do the following things:

*Teach my kids to stand up to a bully. Give them specific strategies and show them the tape of the sweet girl (Lucy) who befriended the victim and was a total sweetheart.

*Set up a test for my kids and see if they will open the door to a stranger. I know it sounds awful. I am really thinking about it.

*Stop texting in the car completely. I am actually pretty good about it, however, I DO, I admit, I DO text at stoplights. I think that probably needs to stop too. The kids are watching!

*Start now talking about riding with safe drivers. And talk to my kids about it. I will probably show them the tape. I want them to see all the signs the teenagers chose to ignore. And set up an emergency code with the kids when they get older. The show suggested "111." That means drop everything and come get me now!

I just hope my kids do the right thing when Mommy isn't watching!!!!

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Every Mom Makes Mistakes (right?)

Dawn gave me this Mom of the Year Award (thanks Dawn!)

and it could not have come at a better time.

One of the rules of the award is that you have to post a bad-mom moment, and I had to laugh because I recently had not one, but two.

Our two little ones are playing Upward basketball. With such activities, you always have picture day. And picture day always seems to mess with my head. You have to be there early, looking decent and have $ ready to shell out.

Two Saturdays ago, Ellie had a one o'clock basketball game. I was at lunch with my mom and sister and my dad was planning to take Ellie to her game, me to come later. My cell phone rings as I am enjoying a leisurely lunch and it is Ellie's coach. "Hey," he says in an even voice, "we are all here getting ready to take team pictures. Are you all coming?" Oh man, my heart sinks and my face turns red. I didn't want to tell him that actually, NO, I had totally forgotten, that I was stuffing my face full of chips and salsa, and that Ellie wasn't even with me, so I said, "well, my dad is bringing her, but I didn't tell them about pictures. Just take pictures without us. Sorry." I feel horrible, but we go on with lunch. The phone rings again, "We don't want a picture without Ellie in it. We're going to rearrange and take the picture afterwards." Ok that is soooo nice, but I feel like a heel. Everyone knows that it is me, Loser-mom, who has inconvenienced everyone. I know it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but one thing I may not have told you about myself is that I HATE making mistakes. I'm not a perfectionsist per se, but making mistakes, forgetting something, especially in front of other just makes me feel like dirt.

Fast forward one week. Luke had a 9 AM basketball game. I thought I was doing great to have all the kids up and ready by 8:30. Tom was out of town, and you know how hard that can be flying solo. However, there was no fighting, everyone was wearing the correct uniform and I was feeling like Supermom. Phone rings. It's Luke's coach this time: "Uh... we're here waiting for you all... trying to get our team pictures taken." CRUD. My heart sinks again. I sigh as I say to him, "well, I'm so sorry. You'll have to take them without us." I get off the phone, but it rings again. Get here as fast as you can. We don't want a picture without Luke. Wow. That is so great... as I stand there in my robe with no makeup on. So, I jump into clothes and we take out there like madmen. It took us a full 15 minutes to get there, and I am so mad at myself the whole flying way. As we walk in, I begin apologizing to the coach. But guess who is there? Of all people? Ellie's coach. His son is having pictures at the same time.

oh my.

So on to the next rule and that is this: to list 7 things your love about your kids, doing with your kids or that your kids love about you.

1) I love to hold their warm, little and sometimes grubby hands.
2) I love to hear them laugh.
3) I love to enjoy each of their very different and distinct characteristics.
4) I love to hear the funny things they say.
5) I love to discover a quality in them that I do not possess.
6) I love to hear them express their faith in God through simple ways.
7) I love to see them interact with family - their dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

I surely LOVE being a mom, bad-mom days and all.

And who to pass this out to?
I'll try some of my dear out-of-town friends:
Shannon @ IA Pilot Wife
Kim @ KimNOW
Roxanne @ Roxanne Kristina
Rena @ Insert Grace Now
Kathleen @ Treasured Chapters

Here are the official rules:

1) Admit that ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!

2) To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!

3) Send this to FIVE other Moms of the Year that deserve forgiveness and a reminder that they, too, are the best moms they can be!!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you!"

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Mom Fuel

Last year, I went to hear Joe White, president of Kanakuk camps, speak when he came to town. It was an hour and a half full of nuggets of wisdom for moms, many of which I blogged about here.

Well, Joe came back! My sister and I didn't want to miss hearing him again... truly, some of the things he said a year ago have stuck with me the last 12 months. I needed another year of encouragement... mom fuel.

He hit a bunch of the same themes that he did last year, but some of the stuff I needed to hear again, loud and clear. Believe me. Because like I told you before, I make my share of mom mistakes. And when I get that note home from Luke's teacher for the 25th day in a row, the sighs roll out of my soul.

But Joe has been there done that. And has a lot of experience to share. Here are some new nuggets for ya.

*Parenting is like golf - it's something you keep working on your whole life.

*Be an encourager - when your kids go to bed at night, they need to know you are their biggest fan.

*Over the years, hide the verses in their heart that will guide them. You can't be with them at that party, but the word of God can be with them.

*Every night, when you put your kids into bed, share a scripture. Repeat it every night until they know it by heart, then pick a new one.

*When you feed your kids' bellies in the morning, look at it as a chance to feed their hearts too. All you need is 3 minutes to give them a bit of God's wisdom in their hearts. When they look at you and grunt, don't worry, it is getting through.

*Kids just need to talk. Ask them questions and don't try to solve their problems. Listen well. If you give too much advice or press too much, kids will avoid talking to you.

*Follow through. Kids want you to follow through, even if they don't act like it. Follow through.

*No kid wants to be able to buffalo their mom. Don't let it happen.

*Snoop all you want. Use findings with discretion.

*Lay by your kids at night. Even when they are 17. Ask question and listen to the answers.

*Cell phones, computers, ipods and cars are great opportunities to draw up a covenant between you and your child. Have them write a contract and sign it.

*Finally, he stressed the importance of each 24 hours of your child's life. Each day is a blessing. And then he emphasized that point with this video, called 99 balloons. I had never seen it, though my sister had. I guess it's been around for awhile. If you haven't seen it, watch it. But grab a kleenex.

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Motherhood 101

When I look at brand new moms these days, they look like babies themselves. Am I the only one who has noticed this??? It makes me wonder ...was I really that young when I had my first child? Just thinkin' I was ever so grown up, but in truth, still such a baby....??? Well, at 29, I wasn't exactly a spring chicken, but looking at pictures.... yeah... I was young.

It reminds me exactly how much I have grown. Yes, older, but more than that, as a person....as a mother.

I was tagged by Dawn from Dawn's Diversions to blog about some lessons from motherhood.... so first, I thank her for choosing me!!!...because I have spent the last few days really wrestling with this topic.... when I wouldn't have otherwise. I have gone round and round with myself in my mind thinking of lessons I've learned:

*The simple: Love your children but don't smother them

*The medical: The miracle of Mylicon

*The embarrassing: Your children will repeat anything you say!

*The practical: Establish a great bedtime routine

*The emotional: Sometimes, Moms need timeouts too.

*The boy lessons: Boys will be boys, so let 'em!

*The girl lessons: Girls will be girls, so watch out!

*The lesson my mom taught me: Love, and when you get tired, love some more.

*The lesson my Granny taught me: This world is not our home. Let your kids know it

But the most significant lesson I've learned may be this one:

God has given me these child to raise. They are just on loan! They belong to Him... they are his precious creation that He trusted me with.

It is a hard one to learn.

At some point while the kids were young, I became fearful... I mean really, deeply fearful about their well being and future. I have worried painfully about everything from making the soccer team to being in class with the right people. I obsessed over molluscums and when in the heck they would go away. I worried if I was giving him the right medicine? Too much, not enough? Is she growing properly? Am I stunting her growth? What about those wild eye brows? Will she be made fun of because of that? How many words is she supposed to say at one year? Omigoodness, she's not even close! And this list could drone on and on forever and go into much darker areas.

Now, as a mom, I am on detail patrol, and that's how God made us moms. It's when we get too focused on these issues and/or we try to control them that I learned it becomes a problem.

Two things that have made a difference for me....

1) God has given me these children to raise. And at the end of the day, they are all His. And there is great freedom in that understanding. I could put my children on house arrest to protect them from the outside world, but is that really what is right for them? I have to trust God to watch over them physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I will always pray that prayer for them, and will try to step back and turn their little lives over to a great big God who loves them far more than I can even imagine.

2) I can read book after book and consult expert after expert, but God is the giver of true wisdom. I simply cannot do this job without him. I may think I can, but I soon learn, that NO, I need Him to give me energy, strength, wisdom, and help in general.

The funny thing is that when I am really living in these truths is when one of my kiddos will start going through a hard time and I'm like... why God? One time, after seeing Kami at lunch with her "friends" (they weren't very nice to her), I came home and sobbed my eyes out for 2 hours. I am not kidding. But I realize that God is molding and shaping her too. My impulse is to protect her from the pain, but I see that I shouldn't deprive her of the lesson, and I thank God that He is teaching her.

There is nothing in the world like being a mom. It is my favorite thing I have ever done. Even on days like this when I get MORE emails about my son, I have to give it to Him. In fact, this is a perfect day to do it. God, this is YOUR boy! You made him headstrong and full of life. You take this child and mold him. You change the parts of his heart that need changing. Now, I'm going to close my eyes and get a good night's sleep.

Oh yeah, I am tagging a few fellow bloggers now....

Amanda @ Herrold Collection because she is such a faithful blogger...

Michelle @ The Froggy Bottom Blog because I have enjoyed reading her blog...

and Traci @ Something Singapore because I miss her!

What to do: share with us and your readers a lesson that you learned from your own mom, a special mom in your life, or while raising your own children. There’s no right or wrong answer ….just lessons that each of us can learn and implement with our own children. It can be very simple!!! Link your post back to this blog, leave a comment below so we can visit and learn from you, and then tag 2-3 other moms to participate. (if you are not up to this right now, just let me know and I will pass it on to someone else!)

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The Year of the Braid

She WON'T wear dresses, or bows or frills.
She WILL climb up tall trees and big, dirty hills.
She won't even think about cute clothes that are tight
they have to be LOOSE or she puts up a fight.
The older the better - she loves holes and stains
she feels best in sweat pants running through the rain.
She will pick a hand-me-down to wear any time any day
And those new clothes from Limited 2 just go to waste.
She WILL wear shirts printed with animals and do not you think..
that I am one lucky mom that she will even put on pink?
And one more thing she is happy to wear...
and that is two braids pulling back her hair.
It started as braids to make it a fun day,
but now she wants braids from Monday through Sunday!
No cool hairdos, painted nails, or earrings on this child,
just a great sense of humor and a streak that is wild.
She is who she is: a girl I would NEVER trade
even though every day she demands, "Mom, I want braids!!!"

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Nuggets

Today, Kim and I went to listen to Joe White of Kanakuk camps speak about "Motherhood and the Incredible Worth of a Child." When I worked at Kanakuk 16+ years ago, I worked at the Kamp where Joe was. I watched him work with children on a daily basis, and back then his own four children were still pretty young. I remember Cooper being a towheaded little linebacker. Now, Joe has 8 grandkids and has been fighting two kinds of cancer. He was always an amazing man, but there is no doubt the last 16 years of experiences have transformed him into a tender yet tough, raw yet refined man who stands bullishly on the Word of God. 100+ women listened to him today, most of us in tears. A lot of the time when he spoke, he spoke with his eyes closed. Almost long enough to be awkward... like "Joe, are you there," but you could really see that it was almost as if he were walking with God at that very moment. I want to record some of his words. Like my sister remarked, "I wish I could hear him every week." Yep, it was energizing. Confirmation that even through the grinding days of parenthood when I think to myself "I am the WORST mother in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD", (and I have been thinking that a lot lately) I AM doing something right. And it is precious. Motherhood is precious in God's sight. Here are some of his nuggets:

*Be encouraging, not exasperating.

*Catch your kids in the act of doing something good, and tell them about it.

*Ask more questions than you give advice.

*Ask open ended questions with no strings attached.

*Kids often clam up when they are getting too much advice.

*Be firm, don't be frustrated.

*Don't give em to 3, just give em to 1.

*You will at some point not be popular. In fact, your kids may fire you. But in the end, you will be their best friend. It may take a lot of time, but stay strong in what you are teaching them.

*When you feel that your kids don't like you, remember that God didn't call you to be your kids' friend, He called you to be their parent.

*Follow through, don't be a flip flop.

*Fill the cup gently.

*As much as you can, lay down with your kids at night and just be beside them. Talk a little, but listen the most.

*It seems so small but means so much: take time to ask your kids "how can I pray for you?" If they don't answer, that's ok. But they know you are praying for them.

*If you memorize scripture with your kids, the benefits are immeasurable.

*Don't memorize scripture, treasure it.

*Pick your favorite scripture and let God hug you.

*Psalm 91 is God's Hallmark card to you.

*At the end of every day, hug your child and tell them, "I love you and I'm proud to be your mom." Let that be the last thing they hear before they go to sleep.

*It's all about the relationship. It's not about the straight A's or the clean room or the basketball team. It's about the relationship.

*Lead without fear.

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Mommas Love Their Babies

I love being a mom. I mean, I really, really do. It is the best thing I have ever done in my whole life. The hardest thing. The most humbling thing. The most maddening thing. At times, I literally feel like banging my head against a wall. It can be a gut-twisting, eye-squinshing, heart-squeezing experience that tests my patience to levels I heretofore have never known. I realize that to make it through, I absolutely MUST rely on a higher power. I CANNOT DO IT OF MY OWN STRENGTH.

But at the end of the day, being a mom is sweetest, most funnest thing ever <(I know, not proper English there. It was just for emphasis). I've been thinking lately about how it's really a blast to be a mom. And to be able to introduce my kids to new things. Teach them about their surroundings. Help them look at life through the right lens. Give them tools for living. Pray for them. And hopefully, make them proud that I am their mom. (though I probably embarrass them - I have a weird habit of singing and dancing when their friends come over.)

When you really, really think about it... being a mom is an amazing privilege. Being able to significantly shape the very life of 3 human beings. Wo, that's heavy. And that's a lot of pressure. But again, I remind myself that He (the God of Heaven and Earth) will give me wisdom and strength if I will just simply ask. He will give it to me. I hang onto that truth. And hopefully he will also give me ESP during those teenage years. (I am totally serious about that.)

These three paragraphs were just a veiled apology for what I am about to say next: I am posting about Luke. Again. I just can't help it. I tried not to post about this incident. It happened a few days ago. It is really not that big a deal. It is not like I am thinking that he is some whiz-kid. Four year olds say stuff like this all the time. They are all so inquisitive. But to me, this moment is fantastic, and I don't want to forget it. Because not only can I hear the words I am about to post, but I can see the burning wonder in his eyes. I can remember how he licked his lips as he asked this question, something he always does when he is thinking about adult stuff. So now that I've built it up so big, I will share it. I call it "Perplexed."

We are in the car. I guess he has a lot of time to think in the car. He is strapped in. He has nowhere to go. So, he thinks.

"Mom, the road that we are driving on is flat, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, when you go in outerspace and you look at the world, it is round, right?"

"Yes."

Long pause.

(incredulous) "WELL, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?"

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The Gap

I'm looking at Ellie as much as I can. I'm keeping my eye on that GAP in her mouth. I'm enjoying it like I would a warm cup of tea or a funny movie on a lazy Saturday night. I'm watching those rubbery, swollen, gums like a mom watching her kid get on the school bus for the first time. Because I know that GAP is not just a GAP in her mouth, but a GAP in time that will eventually be a bridge between Babyhood and Teenageville. I adore my sweet, little girl who still likes to read The Runaway Pancake, play with blocks and thinks family meetings are cool. (After our last one, she said, "Mom, that was a GREAT family meeting. When can we have another one?") She eats up life like she gobbles up gummy bears. She is innocent; she is awesome; she is a free spirit. And although I pray those characteristics won't change, I cannot stop the fact that my "little one" is going to grow up and those big, white, rectangles will soon invade her mouth and fill that lovely GAP. They will look awkwardly big for her head for a while before she blossoms into the grown up girl God has made her to be....... but before that happens, I am just going to keep my eye on the GAP.

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A Shoulder to Lean (Sit) On

Is this not a great picture of how a dad helps, supports and goes the extra mile for his son? Luke wanted to look for a little friend over the fence. Tom could have said no or just hoisted Luke's face over the fence for a second. But he put Luke on his shoulders and found a spot where Luke could really see. It seems to me to be a nice picture of God, who loves us supports us, and will go the extra mile for us. He wants to help us SEE His love, His truth and his guidance. He is patient with us. He has our little frames up on his strong shoulders. All we have to do is ask, "Daddy, will you help me see?" Psalm 119:118 - Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. [Or maybe what we have here is just a peeping Tom :) ]

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