God's Mercies on a Hurting Heart

I have a friend.

A very, very good friend.

And she is going through a hard time.

A very, very hard time.

An I-may-not-make-it-out-of-bed-today hard time.

A life-really-stinks-my-heart-is-breaking-help-me hard time.

And when you have a very good friend whose heart is breaking, little bit by little bit, so goes your own heart.

When the end of this heartbursting time will come, no one really knows.

In the meantime, there are holidays to attend to... like Halloween and Thanksgiving.

And birthdays. Big ones. 40th birthdays.

A day that's supposed to show you that what you've been doing the last 40 years has really paid off. A day that you're supposed to be secure and mature, looking forward to the years to come.

But how could she look forward to this milestone of a day when it seems that looking back is depressing and looking forward is frightening?

There is not a happy ending to this story (not yet anyway), but I will say there is kind of a pleasant interruption of sorts... a God given respite... kind of like an unexpected refreshment of rain on a hot hard day.

That's actually what this post is about. What I really want to communicate here is God's daily mercies (click here for others), specifically the way He worked amazingly in the life of my friend this past week.

I knew her birthday was coming up, but in all honesty, had put little to no thought to it. How could I possibly plan a celebration knowing the condition of her heart? But another friend brought up to me that they wanted to plan a party. A party? I wasn't so sure about that, but after brainstorming for awhile, we had an exciting alternative: a week of birthday blessings. Then, I called another friend, and we brainstormed a theme for each day:

Monday: Flower Shower
Tuesday: Words of Encouragment
Wednesday: Pamper Party
Thursday: Gifts of Inspiration
Friday: Gift Card Crazy

With the magic of email, we had 5-6 people a day lined up to send flowers, drop by gifts, bake dinner, take to lunch, and so on and so forth. (I think it turned out to be more than that.)

It was easy, because God was behind it.

It wasn't me at all. I take absolutely none (zero!) credit. And I'll prove it.

Tuesday was her actual birthday. In the email, we had asked everyone to get her a card that day. In her mailbox or in person. And at the end of the day, she called me. Astonishingly, she had gotten a lot of cards that day.

Guess how many?
Could it be?
40.
40!!!
Forty.
40 on her fortieth birthday.

I COULD NOT have planned it this way. I know it was another of God's little mercies for my friend, just telling her "I love you," "everything is going to be OK." "I'm with you." "You have my support and I'm NOT leaving you alone."

The rest of her week was amazing, with treats around every corner. A scripture Bracelet. Gift cards galore. Coffee. Surprise visits. Mani/pedi. A great Italian dinner. An edible fruit bouquet. A poinsettia. A Happy Everything plate!

She said this: she said that she never expected to be happy on her birthday. But she was. I'd venture to say that the whole week brought her great joy thanks to God, who is good and provides for His children.

She had to decorate the Christmas tree tonight. I say "had" because it wasn't easy. There were ornaments and memories and tears, all mixed together. This is not an easy time for her. But I think last week gave her a glimmer of hope and encouragement that she needed.

I keep telling her I am expecting God to do some more amazing things in her life. So if you get a chance, say a prayer for my friend. He'll know who you're talking about.

Read More

Stung

The beginning of school is always a time that teeters precariously between a feeling of blossoming excitement and a feeling of distressed unsettlement.

Tell me, how do two such opposite and intense emotions simultaneouly exist within me?

My warring thoughts:

We're starting a new year!
New friends!
New teachers!
They're growing up.
I'm going to miss him.
I can't believe he's in school full day!
Freedom!!!
Freedom!!!
I'm going to get so much done!
He might be miserable.
5th GRADE?????!!!!!
What if she's not placed in the right class?
She'll make new friends.
She'll make her way.
God will work it out.

I'm positive I'm not the only one who does this. I'm just a momma bear watching out for my children. Checking. Double checking. Hurting. Feeling Joy. Praying. Asking. Inquiring. Thinking. Conferencing. Taking note. Praying. Believing.

So, yesterday was the first day of school. Emotions were running high. But the day was great. All was well.

And then came today. Even though he is the Duke of Rough and Tough, he is also the King of High Emotions, so I went by the school at lunch to check on him.

He grabbed me with his grubby, warm hands and said in a tight voice, "momma, take me home. I need to go home with you."

Ow. I felt stung. He doesn't want to go home; he needs to go home!

But I tipped his chin with encouragement and walked away. He can do it, I told myself.

Ten minutes later, I received a call on my cell phone: the school nurse. The news? Luke was on the playground and was stung by a wasp or yellow jacket. Not once. Not twice. Not three times or four. FIVE TIMES he was stung!!!

Your son needs you. Please come and get him. Feeling stung again, I did just that. I found him in the nurse's office, red faced and puffy, a desperate look in his Rough and Tough eyes. He was scared and had big welts on his shoulder, chest, hand and thigh.

But he was OK. It's just hard for a momma bear not to be there to protect her littlest cub.

Read More

Panty Power

Why such a silly title?

I am trying my darndest to laugh at myself. I lecture my kids all the time on being easygoing and laid back and learning to laugh when something unexpected/embarrassing/upsetting happens to them publicly. Not to let anyone see them crumble. To take it lightly.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Otherwise, I could have named this post something different, like

"Whyyyyyy Meeeeeeeeeee?"
"I Will Never Step Foot in That Place Again"
"They Will Never Let Me Back in That Place Again"
"Everyone Thinks I'm Weird"
"I'm a Loser"
or
"I Have Got Some Serious Underwear Issues"

But before I tell you today's incident, I feel I must back up a couple months and share a most embarrassing moment in May. I took the time to get ready and got dressed into an exquisite black dress with a silken underlay, topped off with a sheer organza. Not dressing like this really often, I felt quite graceful as I walked Luke into his classroom, chatted with moms, ran an errand at Petco and made a big shopping trip to Walmart. About 15 minutes after I arrived at Wal-Mart, a young woman with a nosering stopped me and said, "Ma'am, I know I don't know you but..... (long pause) your dress is tucked up into your underwear in back." I will go no further, to spare you from the depth of my horror as I retraced my steps and exactly who all had seen my lovely big bottom hanging out.

But, I reasoned, this was just a one time thing. Everybody makes mistakes. I will be A LOT more careful.

So, tonight, I went to a Biblical Discipline Coffee Talk at Fellowship Bible. This is a church we've been visiting for awhile, and I thought I'd go maybe learn something and try to meet a few new people, make a couple new friends. It's not real easy when everyone seems to already know each other, but I thought, I'm not going to get anywhere unless I make the effort. So, I went. And sat in the first row. And walked around and got a water and got some Hershey's kisses and took a phone call in the hallway and then left early, right in front of the room of 50. Only to find out that my new brown pants have three inch rip right down my left bun, exposing my whiter than white grannish panties. (I have NO idea how it got there!) I guess the only blessing in the deal was that I wasn't wearing something garish or even nothing at all! Imagine the bare bun hanging out of the ripped pants. Oh, what a nightmare.

But I am laughing. Can't you hear me?

Read More

Breather

A Deep Breath of Air. A Moment to Relax. Some Clarity of mind. Some Peace in Amidst the Uncertainty. Some Solace. A bit of a Pity Party. Time away. Introspection. Hurting Heart. Be Still My Mind. God Lead My Thoughts. A Party in San Antonio. Warm Weather. Sleeping In. A Voice in the Wind. Rest. A Friendz Listening Ear. SNAP OUT OF IT! Roller Coaster. God is Good. He Gave me This: The rain is coming down in Bucketfulls. My child needs Markers. It can't wait till tomorrow. We Go. I Trudge. She Frolicks. I Stew. On the Way Out, in a Dark, Rain Pelted Parking Lot, she Twirls. "I am so THANKFUL," she laughs, as the drops drench her pigtails. Looking upward, she says again slowly and with more seriousness, "I am so THANKFUL." I write this one down in my book of memories. Too precious... and humbling too. One day a little later, while Admiring the Azaleas in Woodward with Nana, Papa, and the kids, Dad says offhandedly, "This life went a lot faster than I thought it was going to." Just a little thing. I think he meant nothing by it. But that it really did go by fast. That one made me stop too. And Just Helped the Thunderclouds Slide Away. And then the Dream. I was at Granny's house. It was late.... past midnight. Don't have any idea why I was there that late. Maybe we were having a quilting party. Anyway, I fell asleep on the couch and she on the daybed... a little later I woke up and thought I should go. But instead, I went over to where Granny was sleeping, and I laid down beside her, real close. I cuddled with my Granny. And as I laid there thinking how much I loved her, I looked on the plaster wall, where she had been writing some stuff in red ink. And I realized what I saw were her marking the days of her life... and she was counting the ones she still had to live until she could Go To See What She's Been Waiting For All Her Life. The Streets of Gold. The Pearly Gates. But it wasn't disturbing... the Dream that is. It was Peaceful and Happy. I felt so Close to Her. And then One More Thing... One More Cool Thing.... Teacher Appreciation Week came. I've been working towards it since July 07. And the closer I got to it, the more I realized that it wasn't just Teacher Appreciation, but Staff Appreciation... and with a few of my activities, I had excluded the staff. It began really bothering me. Besides that, I wondered to God if I was spending too much of my precious time on this dumb PTA thing. How could that be the work of Jesus? Well, first of all, the week was truly blessed. Everyone helped. No one forgot! I had exactly the number of volunteers I needed for each activity. It was almost strange how well everything went. And then on Tuesday evening, as I went to pick up the 80 loaves of donated bread for the teachers (not nearly enough for the 208 staff members), I was blindsided by bread. I left Farrell's Organic Bread with enough bread to fill up the back of the Suburban (Zippy) and then some. I have never seen that amount of bread in my life! When the girls and I got home and counted, we counted... get this.. exactly 209 loaves of bread. Enough yeast for everyone. And then one. It was the closest thing to the Manna from Heaven I have ever experienced. I felt like the boy with the fishes and the loaves. It was really awesome... and I know God had a hand in it. He provided. He gave me assurance that I was doing exactly what He wanted me to do. I took a Deep Breath. I am Back.

Read More

Welcome Back!

Thanks to all of you who checked on us, making sure our family and our blog didn't fall off the face of the earth. What happened was that I had a cyber-stalker (probably just a little grandma in Minnesota) who was checking my blog multiple times a day. My mind got to imagining things (think man dressed in dark hoodie with mean, squnity eyes staring at pictures of my children) and.... it started weirding me out. So, I had to make this blog a little more anonymous, thus the address change. I have made a few other adjustments that make me feel more comfortable with a public blog. And now that I'm up and running again, I have nothing to blog! No pictures at least. So, I'm posting this fabulous poem by my "friend" Beth Moore. I have a link to her blog below, and here is a link to the lady who designed this "worship art." Beth Moore is an inspiration to me!

Read More

Bugaphobia

Ellie doesn't like bugs, she says. In fact, she'd like to stay as far away from them as she can, thank you very much. And if that means retreating in the house while the rest of the neighborhood is out in bug territory, then that is fine with her. On one hand, she's never had a bug phobia, so I'm a bit perplexed about why in the world my social butterfly would choose to be indoors just to avoid bugs. But then I realize that I can't really blame her. She truly is a bug magnet. You know how your mom always said, "Bees won't bother you unless you bother them"? Well, not if you are Ellie! She has been stung by at least 2 bees, and at her T-ball game last spring, a wasp stung her through her sliding pants! Why HER? Out of 100 kids playing in the bug-filled fields, Ellie was the chosen one.

And should I even address mosquitos? I think she's been bitten by more mosquitos in her 6 1/2 years than I have my whole life. When she was little, the bite would swell up like a golf ball. It's not that bad now, but what is bad is her awareness of the itch. She wants to scratch the snot out of herself. I tell her she has a sweet smell, and I really think she must have some kind of bug-attracting aroma. Well, a couple of days ago, I put my foot down. "Ellie, you can't stay indoors the rest of your life because of bugs. Go outside with Kami and Luke." With a sour look on her face, she walked out the door. But when I went to check on them, I found her gazing into the cul-de-sac from the back of my car.

























Bug protection. It made me smile, because it reminded me of a time when I was little and my friend Leslie Thompson (now Jenkins) and I got scared by a wasp. We ran around the other side of the house to the car, which was parked on a hill. We jumped in and waited for that wasp to follow us around the corner and we were going to scare the pooey out of it. Well, while we were waiting for the wasp to come find us, one of us got ahold of the gear shift and weeeee, down the hill the car rolled. Luckily, someone stopped us before we ran into the barn. I guess it's time to slather on the insect repellent!

Read More